RAWRK♥

MONKEY part 2

2011-04-16T07:48:00.001+07:00

GOOODDDDLUCCCKKK! do your best and God will do the rest.

ps: sorry gambarku jelek super :D

dear you ( letters 6 )

2011-04-13T15:20:00.004+07:00

but promise me to

because even though

will you promise me?

dear you,

2011-04-13T06:50:00.000+07:00

I sounds stupid? Yes I really am. I wish I have a rights to mad at you. But sadly, I don't have rights to mad at you, because maybe I'm nobody for you. Am I?

#LDR

2011-04-12T09:24:00.000+07:00

Here are some LDR tips I quoted from @hitmansystem. All the tweets about #LDR are damn true. Go figure out yourself.

1. Pada akhirnya #LDR hanyalah bentuk relationship yg berbeda, berhasil atau tidak benar2 tergantung pada yg menjalankannya bukan jaraknya.

2. Kamu akan mendengar banyak yg bicara #LDR itu sucks! Ada benarnya! Sucks kalau yg ngejalaninnya juga sucks!

3. Apapun cara anda ber #LDR, kalau selama ini tidak jadi masalah, maka jgn dijadiin masalah ya!

4. Oh iya complain berkali2 sama pasangan soal #LDR tidak akan membantu hubungan anda sama sekali, yg ada malah jadi berat.

5. Kalau saat #LDR salah satu mulai down, maka tugas yg satu lagi utk menyemangati! Bukannya ikutan down! Fight for the relationship!

6. sangat penting Anda dan pasangan punya kesibukan lain selain curiga,cemburu,dan resah2. #LDR

7. Ingat dalam setiap hubungan selalu ada dua pihak! Karena itu begitu yg satunya kendur, maka terserah anda! Anda tau yg terbaik. #LDR (kalo uda gini pasti rasanya nyesek banget, super duper sucks)

8. Ketika #LDR pastikan anda dan dia sama2 mau hubungan ini terus jalan, jangan berat sebelah. Jangan DIPAKSAKAN! (Damn true! Mending ga usah kalo yang satu terpaksa. Pasti super berat ngejalaninnya)

9. sabar dan banyak komunikasi. Komunikasi bukan nyariin and memantau ya O:)

10. Internet adalah teknolgi luar biasa yg mempermudah komunikasi #LDR. Jadi komunikasi bukan alasan. ( This is super true. For me, ldr as a reason for break up is super stupid reason. You'll tortured yourself. Well you might not see each other frequently but you got skype right? What's technology for then? )

11. #LDR mungkin terdengar menyeramkan, tapi bukan berarti tidak bisa dijalankan. Sulit tetapi bisa. ( See, at the end it will works if both side want it to works out and put efforts on it )

12. Secara singkat #ldr membutuhkan kesabaran, komitmen, kepercayaan, komunikasi dan doa. ( That so true)

Again, last but not least. If both side really want it works out and put an effort on it then it'll work. LDR isn't hard if both side have a faith on each other and believe it can work out.

black and white

2011-04-07T20:32:00.000+07:00

chace christopher crawford

2011-04-06T16:13:00.003+07:00

heartbreaking

high school madness

2011-04-04T13:20:00.008+07:00

me&mommy cath inside teachers room

inside our classroom. breaktime? time for jamming!

right to left : me, bianca, aurelia, eunike

me&mommy cath at her rooftop

ps: well ignore all those cds. and fyi, it's not mine :D

me&bianca at the park near my house

my very first baby freeze.

hip hop crew

(ps: actually we're not allowed to bring handphone with camera)

yea, i know how crazy we were. i took those photos at bu yustin's class

me & joshua bernard

and yes this is the craziest, scandalous picture ive ever took. my grandma's little brother thought that i was dating and he shows this picture to my grandma. the truth is we're not, heck yeah he's like brother to me. oh yea and we took this just for fun. in fact bianca & lady also have this kinda picture.

lady& joshua bernard

that's too sweet someday i wish i could took that kinda picture with my future boyfie :)

bianca gabriella & joshua bernard

actually this was the true lovebugs.

gosh i miss you guys damn much

xo,

webcam madness

2011-04-03T22:19:00.002+07:00

(ps: aurelia i guess you know whose pose is it)

love you till the bits, my dearie sister :)

to you (letters 5)

2011-04-03T20:12:00.000+07:00

to you (letters 4)

2011-04-03T11:13:00.002+07:00

i have 3 wishes :

1. you stay the same

2. you stay the same

3.you stay here with me

is that hard to do?

2011-04-02T23:50:00.001+07:00

i'll take you with all that you are. with your complications, your pain, your secret, you past, your longings, and dreams. i will take you completely without examptions

to: you (letters 3)

2011-04-02T23:20:00.006+07:00

uh i dont know where to start. i dont know why but this paranoid always haunting me. i'm too afraid that someday you might get off like others did. sometimes i wish im not in love with someone, at least not this time. but i cant control my feelings, i cant control whom i want to fall in love with, how deep i will fall into. i know youre such a nice, warm, friendly, bright guy and i know you wont hurt me because youre a nice guy but somehow this feelings keep haunting me.

i'm so damn grateful, finally there's someone who appreciate my existance by sharing all his stories (although sometimes i dont really get what's going on hihi). above all, je vous benis sont dans ma vie. (re: i'm blessed to have you in my life)

ps: sorry for being so sensitive, you know again its paranoid. and i wont get tired to say "please stay"

xo,

to: you (letter two)

2011-04-02T18:56:00.001+07:00

i've been thinking lately, what's wrong with you. it might be just my feelings but i have a hunch that you're drawing yourself out of my life. why would you do that? didn't i've told you everything? i'm tired of being silent, i want to talk a lot with you. please tell me everything, this uncertain is torturing me. i never have enough courage to ask you, im afraid if i ask you, i might messed up everything. i'm just afraid that what im afraid would happen again someday.

dear God,

2011-03-30T21:46:00.000+07:00

sorry for being such a pain in the ass God :')

to: you

2011-03-30T19:44:00.004+07:00

dear you,

i'm so glad that God let you walk into my life. never crossed in my mind that we would go this far. i'm so glad that finally i have someone to talk about everything i feel freely. i'm so glad that finally there is someone who choose to walk off because he's afraid that he might hurt me someday, but then he stays because he finally knows what i feel if he get off.

you might not be perfect but i don't need a perfect man to be with me, i just need someone who's afraid to hurt me. don't leave me nor forsake me; that's all you have to do. just keep believe & keep faith on me. trust everything that's out of my mouth. i will never walk off unless you do. so please stay, and i'll be blessed to have you.

from : someone who's blessed to have you in her life.

2011-03-23T19:33:00.000+07:00

Je t'aime-saranghe-wo ai ni-mahal kita-i love you- like so much ♡

2011-03-23T17:29:00.000+07:00

"just g e t b a c k u p when they knock you down"

which paths?

2011-03-23T16:57:00.003+07:00

okay here is the thing, you have two paths. and then let say there are a probability you want walk in both paths. but you cant, at last you have to choose. path A, its kinda easy for you because what you want is in front of your eyes, and for path b, the thing you want is kinda virtual yet its real. and if you choose path b, i believe you have to struggle a lot to keep in tract. in this case, no one is forcing you. you have such freedom to choose. which paths you will choose?

monkey :)

2011-03-08T21:07:00.002+07:00

ps : monkey is my friend, he's kinda lazy so i make this to motivate him to study but it seems useless -_-

2011-03-08T19:36:00.002+07:00

please dont leave me nor forsake me :')

je t'aime

fallin for you - colbie caillat

2011-03-08T19:33:00.000+07:00

I don't know but
I think I may be fallin' for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should keep this to myself
Wait until I know you better

I am tryin' not to tell you
But I want to
I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about you
I don't know what to
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found you
I don't know what to
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

As I'm standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us I see nobody
Here in silence
It's just you and me

I am tryin' not to tell you
But I want to
I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about you
I don't know what to
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found you
I don't know what to
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

Oh I just can't take it
My heart is racin'
Emotions keep spinning out

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about you
I don't know what to
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found you
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

I think I'm fallin' for you

I can't stop thinkin' about it
I want you all around me
And I just can't hide it

I can't stop thinkin' about
I want you all around me
And I just can't hide it

I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

Oh I'm fallin' for you

oh this is damn so into me.

blair cornelia waldrof

2011-03-07T22:06:00.003+07:00

here meet my best bitches

worries

2011-03-07T21:50:00.002+07:00

have you been so worried about your future?

i do, if future is a game then it is kinda unpredictable you have you take a risk for every decision you take in your past. you have to face it no matter how bitter it could be. ive been thinking lately, what makes some people stay in your life and the other should go? well if it's math then there are no such formula to solve this question, its a mistery. i kept thinking why God make it as a mistery, in my opinion, so we could appreciate every person that comes through our life, because we never know when they'll leave us. i've been so worried lately, someday "he" might go outta my life and i haven't ready. that sure will give a punch. well, as i said before it still a mistery, let it flow until i arrived at the dork He has provide for me :)

adieu!

my march wish lists

2011-03-01T08:00:00.003+07:00

#1 instax

#2 lomo

#3 fish eye lens

february love.

2011-02-20T21:47:00.002+07:00

guess medan is another city of love. yes i think im into someone :$

is that mean this blog is going to be full of love stories again? could be

hey january

2011-01-30T22:02:00.002+07:00

hey people how do you do?

im doing fine, well not that fine too. im so afraid of ielts result, i was pretty sure i can do it well until the nervous get into my nerves. since i was step in the place where the test held, i already feel so nervous (i bet you know how it feels). i put 6 as my standard but im not so sure that i would get 6, well hopefully i could get it.

talking about nowadays,

im now doing my portfolios for university. i have a month and half to finish them up, im thankful because i have grandma who are experts in sewing and the best thing is that she will helps me so here i am now at medan.

stupid

2011-01-14T18:26:00.003+07:00

for some people who think im stupid, yes i am. im so stupid even he hurted me like 1000 times i still havent find a way to hate him. well that sounds super stupid. moreover, it makes me miss him like crazy. i dont know whats wrong with my brain. maybe it's not working as it suppose to be. im messed up for sure.

2011-01-14T18:03:00.000+07:00

shortly, i miss you. this is stupid but i do :')

2011-01-06T12:27:00.002+07:00

i just don't want to get addicted to anyone. the addiction is annoying that's why it's better to be alone rather than get addicted to something that's obviously not going to be mine. once is enough.

:)

2011-01-06T12:19:00.001+07:00

love can change a bad habit to good ones and vice versa when it comes with a broken heart.

show me where you are, please.

2011-01-03T21:15:00.003+07:00

dear mr. right,

if you really exist please show me where you are. honestly, im sick of waiting. sometimes i feel that this life seems so unfair (it is) when you try to be kind with people sometimes what you get wasn't like what you've done. looks like the "sow and reap" theory isn't exist.

ive been through a very long journey. isn't that 19 month a short time? i'm trying to enjoy it. honestly, im just using a mask. although i feel free but i feel so empty. i need someone to hug me when i cry, kiss me and say 'everything going to be as it used to be' when life seems so unright, i want someone who truly love me for what i am. i know someday 'mr. right' will come but time seems the biggest enemy.

everytime i try to open a new page there will always something that force me to look back. the fear; it keeps haunting me. no matter how hard i try to look toward to future the fear keeps haunting me. the failure. the heart ache. it torture me.

i hope you show me where you are, so that i could belive in this crazy little thing called love again.

#2011

2011-01-03T21:12:00.001+07:00

HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR people!

i hope this year would bring more :) than :(

all things are there to left behind. new me, new style, new life, new society, new love

:')

2011-01-03T21:10:00.002+07:00

I love you but it's not so easy to make you here with me
I wanna touch and hold you forever
But you're still in my dream
And I can't stand to wait ‘till nite is coming to my life
But I still have a time to break a silence
When you love someone
Just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
When you hold your love
Don't ever let it go
Or you will loose your chance
To make your dreams come true

I used to hide and watch you from a distance and i knew you realized
I was looking for a time to get closer at least to say “hello”
And I can't stand to wait your love is coming to my life
When you love someone
Just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
When you hold your love
Don't ever let it go
Or you will loose your chance
To make your dreams come true

And I never thought that I'm so strong
I stuck on you and wait so long
But when love comes it can't be wrong
Don't ever give up just try and try to get what you want
Cause love will find the way
When you love someone
Just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
When you hold your love
Don't ever let it go
Or you will loose your chance
To make your dreams come true

i dont know why everytime i listen to this songs i feel something awkward inside. and suddenly tears are in the brink of my eyes. geez.

happy mothers day

2010-12-22T16:11:00.004+07:00

mom youre the greatest gift ever,

thanks for being such a super mom, bestfriend in grief and personal consultant.

maybe we've missed many years but i hope that God would give me more years to make you proud and happy. sorry for being such a pain in the ass.

greatest woman in my life. my life inspiration

adorable mom and little me.

adorable grandmother

we love you.

yesterday, today, and afterward

hugs and kiss,

awesomeness

2010-12-21T21:06:00.002+07:00

firstly.

this post is dedicated to my uh-ma-zing classmates.

and yes finally my high school ends. i haven't finish my high school but i choose to skip this 2 years in high school and directly go to university (raffles design institute). i have two reasons for that.

1. i think that design major doesn't need such knowledge that we studied in high school

2. to save time. i want to start my own career as a fashion designer and the owner of a clothing line like ASAP.

i'm officially resigned from my school at december 16, 2010. that was a pretty tough decision to make because it will affect my future. when my teacher got that news they was like 'are you sure about this?' especially my socio teacher he was keep asking me 'are you sure for this because there's no way back when you resign'. i was like 'i'm damnly sure about this'.

friends.

i'm so grateful to have friends like them. honest said. although we've been through a million fights and i've been sucha pain in the ass. but at the end we still friends. thanks a million thanks to you all. you all such a great person, i wish to see all of them became a sucessfull person in the future. and keep the friendship on. always.

teachers.

they all have been so kind with me. although im not a good student. im lazy (in some subjects) and pretty rebelious and stubborn but they still treat me so well. especially million thanks to mr. sit tamara. he's been my teacher since i was in grade 4. he taught me how i should keep my faith no matter what it cost. he such a great 'parent' for us. he's just irreplaceble

osis (year 2009-2010 & 2010-2011)

youre all a great teammate. thanks for cooperating with me in bulan bahasa events and classmeet. keep rocking keep solid!

the hip hop crew

man, im speechless to have a great team like this. keep burn the dance floor. keep the awesomeness. btw, thank you ci mitha for your guidance this half semester. you're awesome!

above all thanks to my great saviour-creator-God-Father. who has given me the chance to meet those great people in my life. and having a wonderful high school years.

ps: im surely gonna miss the Lord's prayer ;)

cao cao :)

2010-12-15T19:57:00.001+07:00

How do I say goodbye to someone I never really had?

Why do my tears fall so endlessly for someone who was never really mine?

Why is it I miss someone I was never really with?

And why do I love someone whose love was never really mine?

You either let go for two reasons.... you've learned enough to want to, or you've been hurt enough you have to

You taught me how to love, but not how to stop

copy from http://kevin190791.blogspot.com/

2010-12-13T19:36:00.003+07:00

i'm feeling much better thanks loves.

2010-12-12T09:27:00.000+07:00

:)

2010-12-12T08:37:00.001+07:00

food has been my religion lately, i ate a lot. i dont care about my weight, as long as i'm happy everything goes fine ;)

smile

2010-12-12T07:51:00.007+07:00

another problem comes. i dont know either he sees my blog or what but he ditched me at last. well i dont know i should either be happy or sad for this. but i feel terribly in blue since that day never though that he would bring such a big impact to my life. well i'd get over him last time i'm so sure that this time i can do it again, it is such a nonsense if i couldn't get over him. well, many friends said that 'he don't deserve you' i barely know that but it seems that he got a spell over me, which makes me feel that well how jerk he i still want to give me another second chances. it sounds stupid but true indeed. however, i should forget him even now i dont know how but i know time will surely casts his shadow away. i tried my best to smile through this because i know i have two choices, either seeing this as something good or seeing this as a loss. because i believe i would never get something better if i never let go. God has His own plan, lets wait for the time to come.

dear you,

thankyou for being such a good friend in times of sad and happy. i know i've been a burden for you, and maybe now you're damn enough with me. sorry for all things i've done, sorry for being your burden for this few months. i'm going to miss you like a girl misses her teddy and a boy longing for a car miniature but i got to continue my life and you got to walk on your own lane too. thank you so much.

xoxo,

rain fall

2010-12-06T09:43:00.002+07:00

crying for half of the day at least makes me better. i was so stressed yesterday, i got a word fight with my dad, and ends up we haven't talk for 24 hours. well honestly that's not a big thing for me because talking is the main factor of conflicts for us. he got a bad mood since saturday, as usual he scold me for no reason. that sucha childish act and unreasonable. he used to do that to me since i was kid. until now. it's been 10 years since we've been in a same rooftop and he keeps doing this thing for 10 years. he never thought about what i feel. even he never have an initiative to bought me a cake or a gift for my birthday, well maybe once.

he said sorry to me for what he used to do in the past, but he kept doing it. i'm trying to forgive and forget what he did but, i'm to tired of forgetting all those bad memories. well i'm not a good daughter but at least please he's my dad and he should at least act like he should be. he never appreciates me. it was like everything i did, even i've tried my best, he never appreciate it.

2010-12-05T19:28:00.000+07:00

i gotta find you

2010-12-05T19:01:00.001+07:00

i know its an old song, but still somehow i still love this song so much enjoy ;)

Everytime I think I'm closer to the heart
Of what it means to know just who I am
I think I've finally found a better place to start
But no one ever seems to understand

I need to try to get to where you are
Could it be, your not that far

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

Oh yeah
Yeah yeah

You're the remedy I'm searching hard to find
To fix the puzzle that I see inside
Painting all my dreams the color of your smile
When I find you It'll be alright
I need to try to get to where you are
Could it be, your not that far

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

Been feeling lost, can't find the words to say
Spending all my time stuck in yesterday
Where you are is where I want to be
Oh next to you... and you next to me
Oh I need to find you... yeah

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you (yeah)
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you (I need to find you)
I gotta find you (I gotta find you)
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

Yeah, yeah... I gotta find you

2010-12-05T07:34:00.001+07:00

better off this way

2010-12-05T07:29:00.000+07:00

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby

#gossipgirlcast

2010-12-04T17:52:00.001+07:00

Daily Drool: Ed Westwick

POSTED BY GOSSIP GIRL ON DECEMBER 1ST, 2010

Photograph by PR Photos

A picture is worth a thousand words, or at the very least, a top five list. In honor of this deliciously sexy pic of our favorite Brit, behold five reasons to love Ed Westwick:

1. His dream job is to be a landscape gardener. It might not sound glamorous—but just picture him sweaty, shirtless and muddy rooting around in your hedges.

2. The “21g” tattoo on his arm—referring to the 21 gram weight of the human soul. Sexy anddeep!

3. This quote: “My weakness is the neck – when girls get too close to my neck, crazy things start to happen.”

4. And this quote: “This is my trademark: I rip my T-shirt. I’m into the whole showing-a-bit-of-chest-hair thing.” (Ed, if you need help tearing up those tees, call me.)

5. He was born on June 27, a day astrologers associate with being clingy and emotional. Would you honestly stop him from clinging or emoting all over you?

What do you love most about this Filthy Youth? Tell!

dear some where out there,

2010-12-04T17:22:00.003+07:00

gue kangen bisa kayak dulu lagi sama lu, well i didn't talk about love this time so dont get it wronged. mungkin untuk sekarang dan mungkin nantinya hal itu nggak akan bisa terjadi lagi. apa yang udah lalu harusnya berlalu tapi entah kenapa gue kangen setiap hal bodoh yang udah gue lakuin sama lu. mungkin ini lucu, mungkin orang berpendapat "this is love" tapi nggak buat gue.

"i used to say all things i felt about anything with that person, i feel so free when i was with him"

ya, dan entah mengapa dari sebuah pertemuan yang tidak direncanakan gue menemukan sesosok sahabat, kakak, teman yang bener bener bisa buat gue ngerasa nyaman, ngga pernah kepikiran di otak buat jadiin dia lebih dari sahabat, teman, kakak. dan tidak akan pernah. dia orang yang bisa bikin pelangi disaat hujan. salju disaat kekeringan. sinaran matahari disaat mendung. dia bener bener mood boost buat gue. di saat dia sudah menemukan mataharinya sendiri. disaat itulah gue harus sedikit demi sedikit menerima kalau waktu dia sudah selesai buat gue. saat itulah segala rasa kesepian, kehilangan muncul terus menerus. bukan cemburu. karena gue ga pernah sekali pun mau dia jadi someone yang ngisi kekosongan ini.

mungkin dia sekarang sudah menemukan kebahagiaannya sendiri, dan gue yakin pada saat nanti God will sent me the new one. mungkin tidak lebih baik darinya. mungkin juga lebih baik darinya.

dan untuk ms. somewhere out there,

gue gak ada feel sama dia so tenang aja :)

my one and only ultimate entertainer

2010-12-04T17:05:00.002+07:00

i miss you my dearest entertainer

my one and only entertainer

no one in this world could entertain me more like you did

gosh i miss you pals :(

sour

2010-12-03T22:41:00.003+07:00

gue lagi ngadepin masa-masa suram di teenage life, gue pengen nangis rasanya tapi kayaknya kalo gue nangis juga gak akan menghasilkan apa-apa selain eyebags gue yang akan membesar, gue gak tau harus cerita ke siapa sampe-sampe gue cerita ke si atumanera.

kesepian,

ya, gue ngerasa kesepian. sangat. kalau bisa diibaratkan gue merasa gue di tengah satu lingkaran besar dikelilingi semua orang di hidup gue satu-per-satu orang orang di sekeliling gue tiba-tiba makin mundur-mundur dan hilang. mungkin faktornya adalah gue sendiri tapi gue udah nyadar kok dan gue coba berubah tapi disaat gue berubah gak ada yang support selain justru gue makin dicibir dan dipojokkan, orang orang yang merasa dulu gue "punya masalah" justru lama kelamaan menjadi persis gue yang dulu, entah masalahnya sekarang di gue apa di mereka. yang lebih parahnya lagi tak seorang pun yang bisa ngebuat gue semangat di sekolah. tak seorangpun. justru gue semakin pengen cepet keluar dari sekolah, dan itu yang mungkin menjadi motivasi utama gue kenapa gue bener-bener ngebet mau kuliah buru buru.

bahkan gue merasa teman terdekat gue juga cuman nyari gue kalau dia bosan, kesal, butuh teman. padahal gue merasa gue selalu ada kok kalo dia butuh tapi kenapa dia kebanyakan ngilang pas gue butuh, hidup seakan akan tidak berpihak sama gue.

keluarga terdekat gue pun demikian,

mom, dad, kent, carissa justru menjadi segrombol orang yang kadang buat gue merasa makin dipojokkan. rasanya pengen nangis. ketika gue punya masalah nggak ada seorang pun di dalam rumah yang coba buat bantu, mereka semua cuman ngeliat apa yang ada di luarnya tanpa coba buat liat lebih dekat diteliti dan dimengerti.

bahkan di umur yang udah 17. yang gue anggap akan membawa hal baik. nggak ada satu hal pun yang bikin gue ngerasa berbeda, selain masalah yang menumpuk dan bentar lagi dapet KTP.

diam dan apatisme yang gue tunjukkan belakangan ini mungkin tidak akan membawa hal baik untuk kedepannya tapi gue ngerasa untuk saat ini mungkin ini yang terbaik, walaupun gue cape harus sok-sok gak perduli, sok-sok diem. dan hanya bisa mengekspresiin apa yang gue rasain lewat twitter.

jujur gue super cape, kalo suicide bukan dosa mungkin itu yang bakal gue pilih. tenang, gue nggak akan pernah milih untuk suicide walaupun masalah yang gue hadapin berat. justru dengan suicide gue hanya akan menambah masalah. sungguh. gue capek pengen lari ke satu tempat yang jauh susah dijangkau siapapun meninggalkan blackberry, dan segala macam masalah yang ada di sini.

2010-12-03T22:20:00.001+07:00

maybe someday, my writting skills will back as it used to be; when i fall in love.

guilty pleasure

2010-12-03T21:28:00.004+07:00

here's some of the silent fact of how i love dance and i will do everything to master even just a pose, i dont care how much pain i've paid as long as i got the pleasure ;)

the pain i've cost.

ps: dance is part of me and no one could take it away

hey you.

2010-12-02T18:31:00.007+07:00

maybe you've been a good memories but part of you has been so cruel to me and i gotta stop it im not going to be quiet like what i did.

im really in the brink of vomiting, im super sick of you and i want to kick you out of my life. it just a matter of time though i dont know how to do that, mr.somewhereoverthere

take note " im going to be someone who dump you once i got the chance to!"

cupcakes

2010-11-26T21:11:00.003+07:00

HEY,

this is my first post after my official sweet 17. i used to have a dream for my sweet; i should have someone to love when my age reach 17, in fact i didn't have one so whatever my life still great with or without a boy. oh yeah, i just practice baby freeze for like couples of hours and voila finally i could do it! i can raise my feet up, i was like hey hey hey finally i can do it. fyi, about that guy whom i told you before, i-am-no-longer-depends-on-his-presence. im free im free i feel like no burden. whee whee. well i think im too excited for this post but whatever im in a happy mood now, hope nothing bad would happen and soon change my mood ;;) i love being 17!

let him go, if then he came back to you it means he meant to be with you.

i'm super not agree with that saying. if he came back for some bad reason? well, it doesn't mean that all should be like that but how if. okay okay, don't take it too serious i'm just pretending no more persuading ;;)

ps: don't worry mr.x im not going to be your burden anymore, let go get your wings and fly away shoo shoo.

love from Daddy up there.

2010-11-19T20:02:00.002+07:00

i'm turning 17 soon, oh gosh i was like waiting for that day to come since i was 5. i kept counting until now, and i realize how time tick so fast. too much pain and happiness has passed through. and too much God's work has been showed in my life, He's been too kind. i believe every pain will bring me to a higher stage of life. i realize i'm just like a particle of dust without him.

mixed fruit punch

2010-11-14T15:57:00.003+07:00

sometimes when thing goes wrong "walk away" is the only thing that worth to do. i know thing doesn't always go as what we want it to be, that's why walk away is the only answer. but how if then in the future comes regret and it tortured you? and when it tortured you, you wish you could back to the day where you walk away. life has too much choices, it could drive you to a good way, it could also drive you to bad way. all you have to do is think twice. but how if you've kept it so long and you are feeling enough for that?

"live your life without a regret, life only once so dont waste it"

it seems that those quotes doesn't appeal to me now, if i walk away i bet i'll regret. but if i dont, i'll keep walking in a constance like this. i dont know what should i do, if life is as easy as eat pray and love i would not be in a dilemma like this. i'm blinded

chocolate lemon

2010-10-31T12:24:00.006+07:00

is that a mistake if you honestly say what you feel to others but end up they feel awkward toward you? is that a mistake if you say that to avoiding mnemonic keep mangle up and torturing you? well, it wasn't a mistake but how if it makes one good friendship became awkward, that's a problem. there's no other way then let it be like that for a period of time you still dont know when it end.

it hurts you, for sure. but time ticks and we can't call them back.

disaster

2010-10-31T12:15:00.002+07:00

yesterday i went to cut my bang, i thought it would be okay. but then disaster come, i hate my bang! it's 13 day to my birthday and how to get my bang back to normal before the date? oh gosh, i swear i won't go there anymore, once is enough. oh God help my bang to grow longer.

unsalted cream cheese

2010-10-30T14:15:00.002+07:00

i've been so busy lately, especially in making portfolios. for your information, i will go to university next year, im going to raffles design institute. i will take fashion design as my major, well its dream come true. i was like not that interest in design before but then many supports come from people around me and make me realize well i have to make this work. since, i start my university next year so i will left my highschool this year, it is still plan but its like 70% i will leaving high school this year. in one hand, im so excited because this is the start of my career, in other hand its preety sad to leave my friends. but life must go on, sooner or later we will be seperated by distance

bitter

2010-10-29T20:30:00.005+07:00

life's been hard lately, i felt all things change in a blink. i realize nothing remains forever it has a period but i dont know it was that fast. people comes people goes, that was not a big problem. but when friends change in a blink; that is a huge hurricane. when atmosphere even could not be able to hold any boredness anymore, that's when life turn sucks. tons of choices and consequences baffled me. when all memories popped up in my head and torturing me. life's been so hard this days, i've nothing to rely, no one could trust and hurts that remains. everything blend in one taste; bitter.

every smile is kind of fake lately

HEYYY

2010-10-12T20:40:00.002+07:00

hey,

belakangan ini lagi super busy, either with osis atau sama pelajaran ditambah lagi i should plan my own sweet seventeen dinner. gue sih pengennya dinner biasa ngga sampe mahal-mahal gitu because at the time it held my dad wasn't at jakarta, he's going have his china tour for like 1 week while he is going to china im going to held my sweet seventeen dinner. well, so far i've been so crazy about this. okay then, kayaknya sampe disini dulu deh. i'll post my sweet seventeen dinner photos kok. anyway it is held on november 13.

french bread

2010-09-30T11:27:00.002+07:00

HEY people

i know you've been missed me so bad (okay that's not true). i don't know what to post besides i've got really bad internet connection at my home and i have to steal a bit time from my computer subject just to say hi to all readers. im pretty busy these days, actually that's not 100 percent true, the problem is that now i'm using blackberry and i'm pretty lazy for opening my laptop maybe that's the main problem.

i'm super duper irritated with that bitch, i wouldn't tell you who is she and her intial. okay let's call her miss b (catherine, dont get wronged it's not you). i should see her once a week and i'm so irritated with her, especially how she walk how she talk; she's somehow bossy. she used to be like the leader in her gank (maybe, im not so sure but looks like it is) and we used to be a good friend and something happened between us, actually i dont know what is exactly happen between us and then she left me without a word and until now we're like never know each other. she never greet me whenever she meet me. i dont want to have a enemy but i dont feel wronged so yeah, i wont appology.

truths reveal from quiz

2010-09-12T22:05:00.001+07:00

You Are Chic and Charming

You are a very stylish and put together person. You expect the best from yourself and others.
You are quite alluring and seductive. People are mysteriously drawn to you.

You light up a room, and you are always dazzling. You don't need much to really sparkle.
At heart, you are a romantic. Like everyone else, you are searching for that true love connection.

a droplets of mapple syrup

2010-09-10T13:20:00.002+07:00

HEY,

im preety bussy this days besides i dont know what to write so yeah i've been silent for a long week. first of all i want to say happy eid murbarak to all the moeslem may all peace comes to all who celebrate. i've got to design one blazzer for my sewing class but still not so sure which one i want to sew. i love someone with mandarin collar but my teacher said that i cant use mandarin collar. okay, i got a bunch of stuff to do, so byee i'll immidiately update when im available.

adieu

dear sunshine

2010-08-26T19:58:00.002+07:00

i know we aren't close to each other, we aren't spending our time together. but deep deep inside that is what i really want. i wish there will be a day where we can spend our time together. well thats quite silly wishes but i really want it to become reality. at that time i won't be shy to say " I love you ". i miss you like crazy. i'm sick when you doesnt reply my text, mention, or wall. last but not least, i realize i love you that much but if you aren't happy with me i'll leave you because i can't see you with that curvy mouth

the one who will always love you.

yeast

2010-08-22T21:02:00.002+07:00

Yo-de-la-hee-hoo!

Hows your weekend blogebeetch (re: blogger bitch) *not that bitch okay*. Jangan tanya weekend gue gimana? As usual, sabtu bunka minggu tak ada plan and as usual I hate it so much dan kebanyakan it ends up di rumah saja seperti anak ayam yang baru netas dan gatau jalan jadi ga bisa berkeliaran. Alright, anyway hari ini gue ngobrol banyak banget sama nyokap, we talk about my future. Gue ngobrol soal dimana uni gue nanti. Ya, bad news gue ga bisa go abroad. Tapi maybe, mom allow me to go to uph for their hospitality, pengen sekali ke malaysia kek ke sg kek wherever yang penting go abroad *tapi ga buat negara di afrika ya, nanti gue balik-balik tinggal nama*. The main reason is about money, ya and there are still a plenty of reason behind it.

Jadi inget betapa gue ingin go abroad, sampe masa kecil, gue bercita-cita jadi archeolog. Uuu maybe thats the reason why I love history so much? Okah back to topic, kenapa harus archeolog? Soalnya mereka tuh keliling dunia buat nyari tulang belulang, ehh sebenernya itu pekerjaan yang agaak bodoh sih, nyari tulang belulang zaman opa flinstone. the point is, gue pengen jadi archeolog karena bisa keliling dunia dibayarin pula, gila ga sih looo? Terus gue mikir lagi, ngapain kayak orang tolol nyariin tulang belulang yang mungkin uda jadi fosil dan uda kepake sama makhluk seraka abad 21? Kenapa ga jadi flight attendance or tour guide? Kayaknya itu pekerjaan lebih enak dan lebih oke deh. Apalagi flight attendance.

Kerjaan flight attendance :

1. Nyapa penumpang dengan modal senyumsenyum dan bilang "welcome, enjoy your flight with us"

2. Memperagakan pelampung, masker oksigen, seat belt dan menjelaskan pintu darurat.

3. Dorong-dorong kereta. Ehh maksud gue yang ini tuh dorong kereta makanan itu loh yang biasa ditawarin pramugari.

Cuman gitu-gitu doang kok pekerjaanya, benefitnya ajibbb bos. Bayangin bisa tidur di hotel berbintang, keliling dunia, keluarga dapat gratis tiket. OKAAAHH WHAT'S EVEN BETTER THAN THAT DUDE? uuuu jadi pengen, so I'll just crossing my finger wish daddy and mommy would allow me to become pramugari.

Eeeeh sebenernya sih mereka kasih aja gue mau jadi apa ngapain juga dikasi, tapi mereka agak parno yaa takut gitu gue kenapa-kenapa, kan jadi pramugari risknya gede,so mereka gamau aja gue kenapa-kenapa gitu. Tp balik-balik lagi kan the one who knows when the start and the end is God and if the time ends now he'll take us in a various way, unpreditable way. Uuuu udah dulu kali ya post gue kali ini, aduh tangan pegel nih ngetik blog di onyx mommy, gara-gara stupid-lame-brainless internet connection.

Adieu!

rootbears

2010-08-20T20:42:00.003+07:00

today was s-u-p-e-r-b! gosh i wasn't too excited at first but when i see how crazy was my group, mulai deh gue gila. kelompok gue beranak-anakan : martha, stefano, nico, vania, daniel, cecile, gaby, sarah, fariz, err siapa yah gue kok bisa lupa gini, emmmnn ah whoever he or she is, i forgot! parah banget gue. kita "romusha" bareng beresin kelas year 12 lama which has pinkeey color, and stairs in front of the class. terus we didn't win any game from 4 competition but we did fun! i had a blast.

dari sisi teamnya,

well, you guys are just amazing maaaan! woohhh im out of words, i love you guys so much. saling mendukung, saling bantu tanpa harus disuruh. although kemaren-kemaren ada some problems but we solved it together. apalagi keliatan banget pas tarik tambang osis vs. teacher all star, gilla itu tambang rasanyaa enteng banget woy. sampe-sampe at the end teachernya ngalah gitu wooooh. how amazing we are huh? oh and the fund raising thinggy, jadi kan bagian wirausaha gitu telat bersihin kantin so we thought they are all went home already, so we (eunike, bianca and me) decide to clean em' all. yauda dong abis bersihin semua eh taunya egg rollnya masih ada gitu (the raw one) terus kan ngga tau dong itu mau diapain, yauda kita jadinya jual-jualin gitu ke guru-guru. eh pertamanya pada nolak tapi karena bianca masang tampang melas jadinya pada beli gitu. dari 2 kotak yang isinya kurang lebih yaaa 90 ada kali, jadi 0. pas semuannya abis terjual rasanya happy banget deh. kata eunike sih me and bianca udah lulus test gitu, yay!

gue tau post gue kali ini ngarul ngidul dan ngga jelas but, i just want to share the blast. well i love having a team like you all.

adieu!

salt and minerals

2010-08-19T21:41:00.000+07:00

Hey tweetbitchee!

I'm so tired today, I got to do a task for tomorrow and it is coloring 14140 cards. Okay then, after dismiss I still have to join extracurricular. And I got to sleep soon, because tomorrow is a big day for us. So wish me luck!

Adieu!

a cup of black coffee

2010-08-18T20:47:00.005+07:00

gue lagi super cape hari ini, banyak hal sih. mulai dari soal osis dan pas ngerjain pembagian warna buat osis itu loh super capek gila, belon lagi yang soal pembagian kelompok, itu sih emang bukan gue in charge sih yang ngerjain tapi secara ga langsung yah ngerasa bete juga sih pas pada complain, secara i'm part of osis gitu dan ya maybe karena rasa solider gitu juga sih ya tapi ngga tau lah, harusnya gue ga perlu keki tapi keki juga. gue sih ga keki kalo ada yang kritik tapi gue ga suka aja beberapa cara orang kritik dengan ga sopan gitu ya gue ga perlu lah ya kasi contoh-contoh kayak gimana yang sopan itu. nurut gue ya, as mantan osis (ngga ditujukan buat someone, seriously) harusnya bisa rasain gimana susahnya nyusun sebuah acara, dan pasti ada flaw disana-sini, tapi ya atleast ngehargain gitu gue rasa itu hal yang sangat baik. ngga suka okay, tapi ga perlu menjatuhkan dengan kata-kata. gue mikir juga sih ini sebagai pelajaran buat nantinya kalo udah ga menjabat lebih bisa ngehargain program-program osis selanjutnya, karena ngga gampang gitu bikin satu acara dan plan itu ga gampang apalagi dengan waktu yang sebegitu limitednya, untuk sebuah acara osis perdana buat gue sih uda okay, ya maybe jauh banget yah dari perfect tapi untuk sebuah acara dadakan udah bagus kok.

bersyukur banget punya team se solid ini, walaupun ada masalah gini tuh kita nggak saling nyalahin malah justru kita support one another, and that's what i love most from this team. how i love the solidarity atmosphere in this kind of pressure. bener-bener thanks God this is what i want most from my team, which i never had with my previous team. i dont mean they aren't great, they are but this is PERFECT. unpredictable and unexpected.

last but not least i love you all pals, aurelia bianca catherine joshua sammy eunike.

i hope everything will be better soon, ya what's going on today cukup jadi pelajaran buat masa depan cukup nampol dan ya, we have to appreciate what people do even it's not what we expected. itu cukup membantu kok ga perlu pujian cukup ikutin apa yang ada that's it, apa susahnya?

okay next thing to share, eeehh this is about mr.sunshine i'd told you. i dont know but somehow i felt something different nowadays, maybe i have nothing to felt about him anymore? if that's right im gonna scream out loud and say "WHOOAAA IM FREE" because i never planned to fall in love with someone yay!

adieu!

frosty the snowman

2010-08-16T20:04:00.002+07:00

i just have a superb nice time with eunike and aurelia, i went to sms for yes you may read why i went there in my previous post. i was going there for some purpose and then it ends up with having fun too. we went to wendys after finishing our purpose and having frosty time as usual. there i met stefano and keke (my kakak kelas). and we have a lots of fun and i love them so damn much :*

adieu!

cup of coffee or tea?

2010-08-16T11:47:00.003+07:00

hey blogging-bitch!

today is quite random i do something out of the box, starting from the moment i open my eyes in the morning and i start to thinking where i should go. i dont wanna go to bunka today, so i decide to go to candy expo (it was my plan yesterday, actually), but then my cousins told me that her friend whose working in candy expo said that we better go there tomorrow, well okay then so i was thinking to buy ribbon but i dont know where i should go, and i asked my mom where could i find that 14-color-ribbon? she said maybe there is in the market so i went to market but i couldn't find it, so oh well i thought i might find it the mall, well then voila i'll go there this afternoon. the point isn't that i wanna find that 14-color-ribbon, but more to cast away my bore-doom-ness so i tend to find something else to do, instead of going to bunka (haha naughty!) i thought it's holiday so why i should go to bunka and sew? i know i know i should graduate this december but i'm now in the climax of BOREDOOM! geee teee hee. i dont know how to cast away that bore-doom-ness :( pity me! who know how to cast away that boredoom? tell moi

adieu!

fruit punch!

2010-08-15T16:51:00.003+07:00

redang island beach - malaysia

le bridge - redang island beach

up up the sky - in the airplane

clouds

glorious sun - soekarno hatta airport

Don't Sleep Away This Night - daniel sahuleka

2010-08-15T16:40:00.002+07:00

Don't Sleep Away This Night - daniel sahuleka

Tomorrow’s near, never I felt this way
Tomorrow, how empty it’ll be that day
It tastes a bitter, obvious to tears to dried
To know that you’re my only light
I love you, oh I need you
Oh, yes I do

Don’t sleep away this night my baby
Please stay with me at least ’till dawn
It hurts to know another hour has gone by
And every minute is worthwhile
Oh, I love you

How many lonely days are there waiting for me
How many seasons will flow over me
’till the motions make my tears run dry
At the moments I should cry
For I love you, oh I need you
Oh, yes I do

Don’t sleep away this night my baby
Please stay with me at least ’till dawn
It hurts to know another hour has gone by
And every minute is worthwhile
It makes me so afraid

Don’t sleep away this night my baby
Please stay with me at least ’till dawn
It hurts to know another hour has gone by
The reason is still I love you

i was randomly open my mom's mp3 folder then suddenly i was clicking this song with no reason. its very old song, but still nice to listen.

fyi, the singer is my classmate's uncle.

more than ever

2010-08-15T14:54:00.003+07:00

i have so much things to share. im tired of being caged in my own feelings, he isnt that far but i dont know how to tell how to get near. im too afraid im afraid he will refuse me, im tired of being in love. there are 2 main reason for that.

#1. im not a toy that you can play (take note)

as you know my first relationship isnt going smooth. we (me and my ex) broke up in a very bad condition, LRD (long-distance-relationship) is our cliche reason, in fact it isn't like that. in fact there are the third parties whom provoke this. that really makes me whoaa, its my first relationship and it ends like shit. i was being play like a toy (my perception) that makes me change alot (without my notice). i realize that wasn't all his fault too, i take part upon this incidence; i realize i was too young for "love" and maybe that was the reason God let this happened.

#2. im afraid of loving a-wrong-mr-nice

no simple reason for that.

well above that all, now im currently in love with someone i call as "sunshine". Im so sure that he's a very nice guy. i have a lot of facts for that, well but i cant mention it here. i'm reeaaalyy sure for this. he's different, unique and warm thats makes me feel comfort. i wasnt near with him. i really want to know him, but above all I WANT HIS LOVE MORE THAN EVER. i wish that would be my sweet 17 present.

love me for what i am, miss me for i miss you more than you ever know and never let me go for i cant breathe without you here.
-personal quotes-

hugs and kisses,
felloy :)

sunshine and juices

2010-08-12T20:42:00.002+07:00

im lack of words this day and that is the reason why i dont post something in this few weeks. i dont know seems i'd lost my creativity in writting, im just dont know what happen well i have to figure it out soon.

current feelings : in love
with : someone over the rainbow (mr.sunshine)

gak pernah kepikiran sama bakal suka sama mr.sunshine ga pernah sama sekali. pas pertama kenal ya kenal aja gitu but somehow there are something makes me curious. he's unique, diffrent, and bold. for me he isnt a handsome guy, he isnt popular but he's gorgeous with his personality, i just love the way he is and all the things related to him. idk what makes me love him more and more but somehow i knew that "we" are from a diffrent world, and it is hard to cross over to his world aaa i should find that way soon, or else there are no more chances. oh well, i fell too deep for you sunshine.

random

2010-08-12T20:38:00.000+07:00

i fell for you deeper and deeper each day. ily

wondering

2010-08-06T21:32:00.000+07:00

have you been in love with someone you wasnt even care about? yes i did.

savoury

2010-08-06T21:20:00.002+07:00

hell-o peeposs! hows your "TGIF"? i have a lots of stuff to do today. i went to sms today with my girls (aurelia, bianca, karen, eunike, lady) and we met adiel by coincidently. we going there to watch "the last airbender" well if i can give a score for this movie, i will give 7 out of 10. its quite good, especially the effect i love it so much. when im about to went home suddenly its raining, so i have to take a taxi, but then what did i get? there's no vacant taxi! so i have to wait. luckily i only have to wait 15 minutes then i went home. and then when i get out of taxi the water splash over my blackberry and guess what my blackberry hang. okaaaayyy, what's better than that? i took my hairdryer and tiny vacuum cleaner. oh what's better than that?

lazy worm

2010-08-05T10:31:00.003+07:00

its been a long time not posting. sampe-sampe noona ku tercintrong protes. it is because i have a lots of homework to do. dan semua numpuk di hari kamis. Anyways i got body ache, its all of my body im so sick of it. sakit banget gila semua gara-gara squad jump, push up, sit up (all 30x up in a minute). O O OH my gosh sampe jalan aja sakit deh apalagi pas turun tangga stress gue. ARRRRHHHH! im enough God, i never hate hate PE class, this is my first time i hate PE class so damn damn damn much!

love life

2010-07-31T23:49:00.002+07:00

gue baru nyadar sepinya love life gue tuh tadi pas polonaise di sweet si ahong . ya maybe ga semua orang ke sweet ahong bawa cewek ato cowok nya cuman tadi tuh pas polonaise gue ga dapet pasangan yang menyebabkan gue kudu randomly pick someone as my polonaise partner. itu cukup nampar oke i felt like whoaa its been a year and almost two months without some guy whom i usually called as "hun" well i miss that, but i dont think nowadays there are many guys who really love me for what i am. apalagi setelah beberapa kali di bikin dissapointed sama cowo kan? its really hard for me to trust guy. ironicly this is the main reason why im still alone. karena gue terlalu picky because i dont want to get hurt anymore. its more than enough.

2010-07-11T13:57:00.001+07:00

somehow since i can sew i dont really like branded thinggy.

2010-07-11T13:32:00.001+07:00

becareful boy, im holding your ace. you better think twice when you're thinking to playing with me.

lemonade

2010-07-11T13:17:00.002+07:00

previous days ago i got a shocking news. i might say some. and it makes my emotion goes up and down, inconstantly. but now i can control over the fire now. first time i heard that news, i was like what the heck how small the world is, and yes im shocked.

though this news isn't about me but, how is your feelings when your bestie's get hurt? angry right. yes that's what i feel. second problem is about a guy (ya ya honestly im so lazy to talk about this) well, that's makes me so talkative in twitter. sorry guys for spamming :)

ps: you better listen a lot rather than taking too much risk

2010-07-06T17:45:00.001+07:00

no one can make me feel the feelings that i felt when i was with you.

2010-07-06T16:09:00.002+07:00

now, im start to open my heart and refuse to talk about my past.

welcome back

kissin you- miranda cosgrove

2010-07-06T11:38:00.001+07:00

Sparks fly

Its like electricity

I might die

When I forget how to breath

You get closer and there’s

No where in this world I would rather be

Time stops

Like everything around me

Its frozen

And nothing matters but these

Few moments when you open my mind to things

I’ve never seen

Cause when I’m kissing you

My senses come alive

Almost like the puzzle piece

I’ve been trying to find

Falls right into place

You’re all that it takes

My doubts fade away

When I’m kissing you

When I’m kissing you

It all starts making sense

And all the questions

I’ve been asking in my head

Like are you the one should I really trust

Crystal clear it becomes

When I’m kissing you

Past loves

They never got very far

Walls of made sure

I’ve got in my heart

And I promise I wouldn’t do this till

I knew it was right for me

But no one (no one)

No guy that I met before

Could make me (make me)

Feel so right and secure

And have you noticed

I lose my focus

And the world around me disappears

Cause when I’m kissing you

My senses come alive

Almost like the puzzle piece

I’ve been trying to find

Falls right into place

You’re all that it takes

My doubts fade away

When I’m kissing you

It all starts making sense

And all the questions

I’ve been asking in my head

Like are you the one should I really trust

Crystal clear it becomes

When I’m kissing you

I’ve never felt nothing like this

You’re making me open up

No point in even trying to fight this

It kinda feels like it’s love

Cause when I’m kissing you

My senses come alive

Almost like the puzzle piece

I’ve been trying to find

Falls right into place

You’re all that it takes

My doubts fade away

When I’m kissing you

It all starts making sense

And all the questions

I’ve been asking in my head

Like are you the one should I really trust

How clear it becomes

When I’m kissing you

2010-07-03T22:53:00.001+07:00

i shouldnt be that selfish!

appologize

2010-07-03T22:50:00.001+07:00

hari ini again. ntah what is in em mind but i think there might be something wrong with me, i guess. if that's right im so sorry for what i did. would you like to forgive me?

randoms

2010-07-02T20:59:00.002+07:00

kayak apa yang gue udah pernah bilang "im kind of person who never ready for any bye" gak tau yah kenapa, theoretically sih gue tau banget there will be bye in any hi. tapi beda theori beda praktek, teori gampang tapi kalo uda praktek ngga semua orang bisa. kayaknya ini yang apa yang gue rasain sekarang. because i never ready for a bye makanya i refuse to get into any relationship. honestly gue pengen punya cowok lagi tapi i dont want to bear any risk of broken heart. as i said "love is all about risk, if you want to involve in you should ready to bear any risk." nah iya itu, it may sounds coward tapi gue tau kapasitas diri gue. yang kemaren udah cukup bikin gila, gue gak mau lagi dibikin gilak. kalo saat ini gue deket sama someone maybe he should ready to wait me sampe gue siap. i just want all the best for my future. sounds pathetic but yea thats the fact.

you - ten to five

2010-07-01T19:25:00.000+07:00

You did it again
You did hurt my heart
I don’t know how many times

You... I don’t know what to say
You’ve made me so desperately in love
and now you let me down

You said you’d never lie again
You said this time would be so right
But then I found you were lying there by her side

You

You turn my whole life so blue

Drowning me so deep, I just can reach myself again
You

Successfully tore my heart
Now it’s only pieces
Nothing left but pieces of you

You frustated me with this love
I’ve been trying to understand
You know i’m trying i’m trying

You

I don’t know what to say
You’ve made me so desperately in love
And now you let me down

goodbye, may you rest there in peace.

2010-06-27T17:42:00.000+07:00

my granny’s brother just passed away last Friday and im kindda sad because he’s very kind. he really knows how to treat person well. ah but i think it is the best thing for him instead he had to bear the pain longer

goodbye uncle-grandpa

you will never feel that pain anymore. i think now you’re there with your mom (i remember well those days in my childhood days) and ah sharon gabriella (cici miss you darling) . i love you :]

honestly im sad :’(

100 truths

2010-06-21T18:38:00.002+07:00

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = water
2. last phone call = i forgot its been like 24 hours ago. ahh i remember my little bro K.
3. last text message = from ray, we talked about WG but like only few message.
4. last song you listened to = im officially missing you
5. last time you cried = uh oh like 48 hours ago, i guess

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = no
7. been cheated on = OBVIOUSLY YES!
8. kissed someone & regretted it = never
9. lost someone special = uh hu and it feels so bad
10. been depressed = YES YES and YES
11. been drunk and threw up = never.

THIS YEAR (2010) HAVE YOU:
15. Made a new friend = yes
16. Fallen out of love = uh
17. Laughed until you cried = yes
18. Met someone who changed you = a big YES
19. Found out who your true friends were = yes i did
20. Found out someone was talking about you = yeah, but i don't care much
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list (facebook) = yes.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life = maybe 50 percent of them
23. How many kids do you want to have = 2 i want a boy as the first
24. Do you have any pets = NAAH!
25. Do you want to change your name = NAAH, maybe just add some behind my name.
26. What did you do for your last birthday = i forgot
27. What time did you wake up today = exactly 6 am.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = bb autis-ing
29. Name something(S) you CANNOT wait for = go to UNIVERSITY!
30. Your Kids would be named = gemael, chopin for boys i guess. chanel, blair for girls.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = emm, nothing
32. What are you listening to right now = nothing
33. Have you ever talked to a person who wants to destroy your relationship = never i guess, AHH yes i remember once.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = redang!
35. Most visited webpage= facebook, twitter, blogger.
36. Whats your real name = felicia
37. Nicknames = felice, fellie
39. Zodiac sign = sagitarius
40. Male or female = Female
41. Elementary school = BPK. Penabur Gading Serpong, Ign. Slamet Riyadi (MY FAVE), Tunas bangsa.
44. Hair colour = dark brown
45. Long or short = Med
46. Height = 165
47. Do you have a crush on someone = not for now. seems like no one can make me fell for him.
48: What do you like about yourself = aaah what yea? my eyes maybe?
49. Piercings = 2
50. Tattoos = Not a permanent one ofc!
51. Righty or lefty = righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery = never
53. First piercing = when i was a baby.
54. First best friend = david (my neighborhood boy)
55. First sport you joined = football
56. First vacation = berastagi?
58. First pair of trainers = my mum's!
59. Eating = when i was baby??
60. Drinking = milk
61. I'm about to = watch portugal - south korea match
62. Listening to = little J singing
63. Waiting = for going to redang!

YOUR FUTURE
64. Want kids? = yes of course!!
65. Want to get married? = yes with a GREAT GUY that God settled for me (ameen)
66. Career = be a successful business owner (fashion lines ofc)

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = BOTH, but depends in time
68. Hugs or kisses = both would be great if it's the right person and time!
69. Shorter or taller = taller
70. Older or Younger = Older, i like being younger around everyone, hehehe :D
71. Romantic or spontaneous = spontaneously romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms= nice heart
73. Sensitive or loud = mix of 'em?
74. Hook-up or relationship = hook up with a great man.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant =i love the trouble maker. it would be fun! ;)

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = NOPE
77. Drank hard liquor = NAAH!
78. Lost glasses/contacts = no.
79. Sex on first date = NOOOO FOR GOD's SAKE
80. Broken someone's heart = maybe. sorry i never meant to.
81. Had your own heart broken = obviously YES
82. Been arrested = nope
83. Turned someone down = yeah
84. Cried when someone died = YES!
85. Fallen for a friend = uh yea, obviously darling!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = yes, sometimes
87. Miracles = YES, from God
88. Love at first sight = yes, but i think it wouldnt last long.
90. Santa Claus = a fat man in Santa's costumes with white hairy hair? Yeah, they're funny. Not that they're exist.
91. Kiss on the first date = i guess i have to say yes (cheek kiss)
92. Angels = YES! I have hundreds of 'em behind me :)

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time = No, i'm a loyal person :D
95. Did you sing today? = yes
96. Ever cheated on somebody = NEVER WILL
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go = ahh 16 years ago?
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be = may 6.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love = yes, kinda. im kind of drawing my self.
100. Posting this as 100 truths = YES

randoms

2010-06-21T18:35:00.000+07:00

im kind of person who never ready for a goodbye.

dear aunt leli

2010-06-21T18:33:00.001+07:00

happy birthday
aunt leli
wish you all the best
God Bless You

holidays and that stuffy

2010-06-17T20:51:00.002+07:00

today is my thanksgiving day. well, it means that now im officially a 11th grader student. i choose social stream anyway :) (i think you all already know that). most of my childhood friend told me why i didnt choose science stream. the answer is simply because i love social too much, i cant stand long for those sciency activity which needs logical thinking skill (actually im sucks on logical thinking skills) that is second reason i choose social. well, im quite happy, thanks God i can pass this grade 10th because for me grade 10th is twice harder than grade 9. but in other hand im sad, because one of my friend (my friend since i was grade 4) will stay at year 10. i dont know what the heck was wrong with his score, i think his score is not that bad, at least he can pass grade 10, but yea idk. and fyi, i got an information from my friends that each year, there will be one student who wouldn't pass. oh-my-gosh what the? see, my school is getting freaker each year. and im sick of it, i want to move out from that school but my parents doesnt allow me to move, so yea i have to stay in this school until i finish my senior high school. its my second year, so it means i only have to stay 2 years there and then CIAOS! bye bye. i dont need to see that suckoholic school anymore. aarrhh.

yay! its holiday and i really love you mr. holiday :* mwaaaah
where do you guys go for this holiday? this year im gonna spend half of my holiday in medan and malaysia. me and my mother's family will go to malaysia (june 22,2010) but before that we have to gather in medan, so i'll go to medan this sunday (june 20,2010) ah, this year my sister will join us. i dont think so she can really survive gahhh. um, i just remember. it means i will see my darlings jasmine! yay i miss her so much. and i think i'll off for somedays. so see you then

lots of hugs and kisses
i know you love me *gossip girl wannabe,
xoxo

like before

2010-06-09T22:53:00.003+07:00

what i miss most from this kind of hour was you. you was there when i cant sleep. when i feel the pain late night, you always there it seems just yesterday. today, even if we see each other at the road you seems doesnt know me. you baffle me with all your words, it seems so true. i doesnt need you to always be there for me, but atleast dont act like we never know each other. i feel the pain when you throw your face away.

remember those things

2010-06-09T20:54:00.003+07:00

saat kamu ingin melepaskan seseorang, ingatlah pada saat kamu mendapatkannya.
saat kamu mulai tidak mencintainya, ingatlah saat pertama kamu jatuh cinta kepadanya.
saat kamu mulai bosan dengannya, ingatlah selalu saat terindah bersamanya.
saat kamu ingin menduakannya, ingatlah selalu setia bersamanya.
saat kamu ingin membohonginya, ingatlah saat dia jujur padamu.
maka kamu akan merasakan arti dia untuk dirimu. jangan sampai saat dia sudah tidak ada di sisimu, kamu baru tahu betapa artinya dia bagi dirimu.

yang indah hanya sementara
yang abadi adalah kenangan
yang ikhlas hanya dari hati
yang tulus hanya dari sanubari

tidak mudah mencari yang hilang
tidak mudah mengejar impian
namun yang lebih susah mempertahankan yang ada, karena walaupun tergenggam bisa terlepas juga

wishes!

2010-06-08T19:42:00.001+07:00

uh oh almost forget to post this thinggy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 18th MY DEAREST FRIEND,
RAY WAWOLANGI

all best wishes for you! ;)
ps: cieehh langeng with mr.D (woops.. someone would get wrong with this)

something that i dont want you to know but i want you to do.

2010-06-08T19:31:00.002+07:00

everything happen unpredictably. im happy when i see you happy too. its quite obvious that i do care, not that kind of care but yes you know it exactly (im out of words). i shouldnt say its love, i shouldnt say its not love. it is but not that kind of love. a love that simply makes me stuck, you such an aspirin for headache. you cast my worries away, you drag my pain though its just for temporary and that simply makes me addicted with you. i know it is aint good, its becomes a boomerang for me when you're not there for me. im not blaming you for this, its all my fault. but can you just be there for me when you know all the truth i'd burried this long? something i wouldnt tell you for this long? something i dont want you to know? something that might makes us awkward? well, let see.

2010-06-06T10:47:00.000+07:00

THE OLD OBSESSION
the-bebeks

the it girls cynthia-felicia-bella-pidut-mimi

2010-06-06T10:04:00.004+07:00

wohooyy yesterday i met my girls! i miss them so much. we were met at our study tour trip to china. pertama kali gue kenalan sama cynthia, then pas di airport baru kenalan sama yang lain. somehow we have a lots of thing in common jadi kita ngga usah beradaptasi lama. di airport aja udah deket. pas di china, kemana-mana barengan mau pergi makan, mau ngebolos, mau ke mcD mau ke mana deh juga barengan sampe kamar kita yang tadinya terpisah dipaksain satu kamar. 1 room harusnya cuman 4 orang but then kita maksa jadi 5 orang :)

"wild-girls"
disana kita yang paling bandel, se-indonesia. i mean dari semua anak-anak indo yang berani pulang lewat waktu cuman kita, yang berani nongkrong di lantai 7 sama anak ausie cuman kita, yang berani kabur pas chrismast cuman kita. wooh dan yea bukan sombong atau apa kita emang eksis, maenannya sama anak-anak ausie sampe-sampe laoshinya bilang "kalian ga boleh keluar kalo ga bareng anak-anak yang lain" woots yauda mau gimana lagi kita kudu bareng sama anak-anak lain.

how we met andrew and je.
one day before christmas kita semua tuh ke tempat entahlah apa namanya. terus ada anak tour lain yang barengan kita kenalan gitu sama kita his name is je. yauda since that day kita sering bareng sama dia. pas natalan, kita ga ada libur malahan kita ada class until 6 p.m. what the heck ga banget dong, christmas day ga libur? yauda dengan sangat terpaksa kita meliburkan diri, kaburlah kita ke kota xiamen, pas ngabur je ikut bareng sama satu temennya namanya andrew (but then pidut told us that andrew mirip sama temennya jothe jadilah dia dipanggil jothe) pas ngabur untungnya si bella, mimi punya temen disana namanya septian (asep) sama nel.mereka yang jadi tourguide kita selama disana. woots that was the first time we met je and andrew.

pokoknya kebersamaan di china itu berlanjut sampe sekarang, gue udah bestian sama yang namanya cynthia dewi around a year and half. and i really love her, she is amazing! ;)

PS: i still miss my girls so much :* smooch-mwahh-mwahh-bang-bang.